i am not wat u need & want...

In this world, ...
people will always say don't do this,... don't do that,..
don't do this,.. don't do that,..
and you know what you're gonna end up with?... Nothing to do...

i wana do what i want...
its my choice...


maybe gudbye is for the best?
is it?...

i got a bad feeling?T.T

I hate this feeling...
It's like, knowing that I like you when I really shouldn't...


im blasting my music so i wont here my thoughts...
buts its stupid because the lyrics remind me of what im trying to forget...

i want to talk to you so bad,...but i cant bring myself to click on your screen name...
and say "hey we havent talked in forever...(*even if it was jus a mnute ago*)
"i wish you'd do it so i could stop killing myself over it....


gosh....

i am not wat u want? im no treasure...

u dont need me... T.T

CANIBALS!

at chat ryt now between me & my friend kit... ahah^^

kit: you don't like raisins?
mem: not really
kit: why?
mem: they used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. they had their lives stolen. well, they taste sweet, but they're really just humiliated grapes. i can't say i am a big supporter of the raisin council.
kit: did you see those, those rasins on the tv? the ones that sing and dance and stuff?
mem: they scare me
kit: yeah, me too
mem: it's sick. the commercial people. they make them sing and dance so that people will eat them.
kit: it's a shame about raisins
mem: cannibals

my mood.... wana know?

Wouldn`t it be ironic if at this very moment you were thinking of me,...
as I`m thinking of you?..
& the fact is u probably are?or are you?
idunoo? im confused?

hai..
im so so sori..
to disapoint u? gosh im so embaressd..T.T
hai, i told u i culdnt do it... hai...sori

sori... sori... sori...

i tried.. i really did...T.T
but my best wasnt good enough..T.T

hai.. im so sorii..

anyhoo lets change the tpic cuz,,
welll jus plain becus i said so..

i wore the dorkiest glasses today..
yea glasses..T.T
hmm... go ahead join them & make fun of me?
what difference does it make?

hrrrghhhhh change topic again?

(*oh look...a pm...from of curse u know hu*)

current status: being screamed at..

(**hello,woman i am not deaf?**)-a though i culd nver say..
all i culd say was.. oki ma,its my fault again?

(**isnt it always**)-another nonsense thought,,,

well atleast in my thoughts i can run away from this..
...OVER RATED LIFE...

If i had a world of my own,.. everything would be nonsense..
the water wuld be jello,..
the cluds wuld be cotton candy..
evryone wuld dance all the time..
& sing nursery songs..
it wuld be all laughter..
everyone wuld sing christian songs..
we'd walk on tight ropes..


we would be HAPPY..
which is not my current mood..

tutor

so well..
i have recently started tutor..yea?
at school with tchr ofel..

but i also have a private tutor..
ahahah^^,

he motivates me .. i mean it..^^,
jus look at my math grade to prove it..

i hope i do well on p6 tom..
examz examz examz...
ahahahah^^,

let's just sit back, relax...
things will eventually get on the right track...
even if it doesnt, life still goes on...
we just cant control everything...
learn to enjoy life a little...

i trust in God..^^,
anyways its late..
i gotta go...
ahaha hes gona get upset...
im supposed to be reviewing..

taaaa-taaa for now...

hugs & rainbow kisses...

parallel lines

let's use out hearts..
to see & feel what's going onfor with eyes..,
i see things in black and white...
for with eyes,i see things too surface or too deep
& can never find a balancing point...

like parallel lines that never meets...

*smug*

too deep in thoughts

sometimes, we sat down too long & thought too deep...
we seek advices & want to make full use of every bit...
neglecting the facts of life, the imperfections...
less is more, simplicity is what makes it beautiful...
to err is human

just learn from our mistakes & dont repeat it again

when i was still a little girl..

i despised math...

yea realli hated it..
but to my suprise... its quite oki? once u get the hang of it..
speaking of math i am so hapi..
cuz for once i passed my mathe exam.. wohhhooo^^

jus got home from hanging out with EYA!?!
loveyou phaty ko...^^,
we went to mcdo...(*my fav. hangout*)
after tutor with tchr ofel..
speaking of tchr ofel..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PO!?!?!^^,
BLOW OUT!?!^^,
ahaha..

anyways.. today was a good day...

so going back to my title,,
when i was still a little girl..
those days..
i walk like a little duckling...
with my favourite teddyrabbit (*snowflakes*) in hand...
run around the estate,...
played in the rain,..
playing on the swing during sunset and watchd my grandpa and grandma grow old...
carry big bulky bags as if i'm imitating a tortoise....
suck my favourite cola lolli...
fly kites with my siblings on the big field behind my house....
those days, when i was much younger....
my favourite chapter of my life...
i miss those days...
if only i can still watch them grow old,..
run around with my favourite teddy,...
fly kites at that fieldand find that home that once belonged to us...

life changes,so do people....

i was staring out my window jus a minute ago..
iduno why but..
times when i look out of the window..i
appreciate the existance ofthe beautiful sky, fluffy clouds, big green trees and tall grasses
but we neglected that little window,..
which allows us to view all the beautiful things in the world..
sometimes we all need to take a step back, appreciate.

still tired even after a weekend.so lazy, tired and sleepy....
have you seen a zombie before?*touching eyebags*

when things changed,..
we cant deny the fact that it did...
neither can we find it back,even if we do..,
it has already lost its meaning& the feeling aint the same anymore.


a little poem by mem...


free...
by:mem

as i race with time this long weekend..
i could slowly feel the wind...
my wings are gently spreading,..
for i'm soaring far and high soon...
those awful visions are turning into a serene sight...
as it drew nearer,..
the winds get stronger.
& it will blow me away,to the place i longed to be...
i'm all ready to spread my wings,once you set me free..

ahahah oki ba? im bored sorri?
kinda distracted cux of well..
rainbows, ice cream & eskimo kisses...
ahaha im not making any sense...
awwww...
only rainbows make sense.. anymore....

i jus want to...
to get out of that little house& look beyond what i can see from that window..
there's more things to reach out for,
after i closed that door behind you& walk on....
ill closed that door behind me & walk on...
after i've complete this..
in a year's time perhaps....i'm truly sick
of such routine and over-controlled life.
let's pray time flies.

say ill be okie?

i was jus walking...

about to go home.. u walked by me..

at first i was jus looking at my shoes as u passed me by...

i dont know why but a sudden urge..

made me look at you..

to my suprise u were looking at me?

i was awoken badly...

it was like i was traumatised by the stare in ur eyes..

it awoke sumthng i cnt explain..

but i'm totally brain dead..

i dont know whats goin on in this twisted mind...

one half says... it has to be over?
the other... what if its not?

hai,...

but my mind is different then what my heart is saying?

the recent rainy season drove me a little crazy but brought me good sleep in the night...

i will admit this...

ive been missing the sunny days,dont you?

it's only times like this,when it spoils your day in a way,..

we appreciates the things that have been there for a lifetime...

i love the aftermath of the rain,.. (plus sunshine)

rainbows.(:
*doing the mousey smile*

send me my rainbow.

i love rainbows, colours...

& recently i'm so in need of them, in my life...

brighten me up once again...

frustrations.

confusion.

disappointments.

but i'm sure in future when i look back,i'll still say:"i'm glad i was here"

if life is like a ferris wheel that goes round and round,..

will you ever get sick of the same scenery?

well, i'll probably wont as long as i have my..

..RAINBOW..

..color me like a coloring book..

...a movement to change the world...

*THE WORLD IS OURS*

..HELP US,CHANGE THE WORLD..


you can help someone.. you could help change the world
they say with jus a smile u can brighten up someones day..
even if you dont know that person..
even jus a smile can make that person happy and that person smile at another..
making a chain reaction..
so i thought to myself..

what if..

we do more than jus a smile?
what if we help someone out?
what if by helping that one person, it could change their way of looking at life?
i mean its not that much but, in a way it could mean alot to someone?
a simple task.. could help alot..
maybe even jus talking to someone whos crying..someone u dont know? & comfort them?
maybe jus let someone in a hurry in front of u in a line?
or maybe even just feed the kids hu dont have food?

it might not seem like alot but to that person i culd mean the world.
you wont loose anything from doing this?

this is how it goes...

you help 3 random people...
and those 3 people each help 3 other people..
making a chain reaction?

so come on what are you waitng for?
..join the movement & change the world..
its not that hard...

rainbow... yea..

trouble in RAINBOW TOWN uh--ohhh..
someone better call the sheriff!! Wahhh... ako pala un wahahaha^^,
bang bang..ur dead.. bwahahah XD
thought youd get away from me did you?

i think u culd jus forget about me?
& everything wuld be okie dokey?
hu are you kidding?
ahahah^^,
im not ur average gurl, i dont meet the standards of this world..
all i ask is for your time?
even just a lil bit...
wahahahah

but,hey i guess asking for your tym is too much?
are my expectations to high for you?
sorry but, theres nothing i can do bot that..

this is me...

& to tell u the truth im not upset...
atleast i know what will happen in the future.. ryt?

go ahead explain urself.. it HECK better be a good reason?
if not, dont botter.. get it?
good..


ahahah

yea... im waiting??????

things i want to do this month of november^^,

everything wit a "**" i have done already tis month the rest not yet..


Eat chocolate cake(*yum*)
jump in a muddy puddle^^,
draw a picture with crayons like im still 6 years old
and then give it to someone who is very important to me
do a cartwheel
make my own recipe
dance like no one sees me
paint each nail a different color
**laugh at a corny joke
get on that table and dance
make a ugly shirt and wear it all day
learn a new language
**write a song(*sad song humpf..dnt u dare 4get me,,,*)
**make a scrap book(**my lil bros assignment**)
go on a picnic
relax in the sun
make my own home video
hug the unhugged
**bite someone(**sori te jackie i had to**)
blow a bubble
call someone pudding
throw an egg at a car ^^,
scream a song with someone i wub
wear pajamas to the mall
play in the rain
**put cake on someones face(**ehem..blushing**)
watch a movie n cry
**wave at a stranger (711 wid harold)
**hide the remote from my brothers..(**got into trob. 2loi*)
climb my mango tree
**look at the cluds (*i constantly do this*)
give someone a gift for no reason
take random funi pics wid someone i wub
shove ice cream in someones face..
recieve a flower.. aww
uhm what else?

hmm...
lie on the floor & stare at the moon
sit in the middle of the road
catch a bug
pretend to be alien
**tell my mom i wub her
improve my gradz
wear to diffrent shoes
**trade shoelaces wid sumone(**monster,mykel!!**)


i have many more things to do.. ahaha^^,
this otta make this month fun!?!

craxinexx has taken over MEM

so me n my mom went to the mall earlier..
well,we ended up bumping into my cuzins.. haha^^ well, i couldnt help myself we decided to go to the sm supermarket.. and heck we had so much fun.. ang ligalig ko.. uhm.. so this is kinda embrassing but heck i tell u anyways.. ahah^^ so here it goes ..

when we got to the supermartket i decided that we should have some fun.. so basicly i jus list down the craxi things i did earlier instead of explaining them one by one..

-we got diapers n randomly put them in piplez carts wen dey wernt lookin..
-made a trail of orange juice on the floor that leads to the c.r
-i didnt do this but my cuxin did.. so ill share this anyways.. LOL..Looked right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while he pickd his nose..ewww... vince ur so gross.. LOL
-Dartd around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible"(this was fun..ahah people were lookin at us lyk we were crazy.. LOL)
-went into the fitting room and yelled real loud....."Hoy walang toilet paper deto!" (GOSH this was so much fun..hahaha!!)

geeezzz.. i love making a scene dont i? lol!?
enjoing life while i can.. ahahha^^

My Dearest,

I have so much Blink 182 on my mp3. For some reason, I never listened to the song 'Violence'. But I did tonight, and fell in love with the ending. It's a letter, probably sent by someone in the war. But I'm posting it here. I absolutely love it.My Dearest,I've missed you very, very much since that last night we were together, and will hold that night especially in my memories for years to come. I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately. I've read your letter through at least four times, and will probably read it more times before I'm through. I've been sitting here, looking at your picture and getting more homesick every minute. I've wanted that picture more than anything else I know of, except, of course, you yourself. I keep thinking of you, Darling, keep wishing I could be home with you. I want to leave in the worst possible way so I can come home to see you, but things don't look so good on that subject. But this war has spoiled a lot of things for everyone, I guess. I've never been so lonesome in my life as I am right now. I'm completely lost without you, Darling. I never realized I could miss any one person so much. I just hope it won't be too much longer until I'm able to be with you again and live a sane and normal life.

friends... hai...T.T

If you asked someone how they would define friendship, the answer will usually be "someone who will always be there when you need them, a person who never lies, a person who will always put you first before anyoneelse" & so on. But who actually fits that description? You have your friends & your true friends. Friends come in many people, but true friends only come once in a lifetime. A realfriendship will last, no matter how far they are from you, no matter how many new people they meet, or how popular they may become. To depend on a friend to always be there for you is unfair, because if that person isn't there, what would you do? Just cut them out of your life? If you were a good friend yourself, you would understand why & know that no one is perfect. A friend will always tell you what sounds good or what will make you happy, but a true friend will tell you the brutal truth. FACT: real friends nevertry to avoid arguments because it will not harm the friendship at all. They shouldn't be scared of getting into that argument in the first place because those little arguments are what makes the friendship stronger. True friends know your deepest secrets, good & bad, & will still love you til the end but friends will only know your surface appearance. Friends come & go without explanation, but true friends will always be there, even when you think they're not. True friends are like family; people who treat your parents like they're theirs, people who become best buddies to your brothers & sisters. So when you say "family always comes first", they are already your family. To me, friendship is like a board game. The ones who care enough will enter the game, play it, & stay until you end it together. The ones who don't will get bored & choose to leave. So, keep what is worth keeping, & with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away.