this was writen Dec8.

i cannot get this image of me and you out of my mind.
nobody around us had any idea of the conversation going on.
even you had no idea how much this meant to me.
you hurt me more than anyone else.
you have no idea how much i care/d about you.
you of all people taught me a lot about relationships.
you taught me that there is a such thing as finding faults beautiful.
everything about you is beautiful. and you have no idea.
your stupid faces.
i can picture every single face that you make for everything.

still.
your face when i make a good joke about you.
your face when i'd slap you out of the blue.
your face when you're making fun of me.
your face when you were about to suffocate me.
your face when you are REALLY laughing.
(the true kind of laugh, not the fake.)
your face in the most intimate moments.
your face when we actually had serious conversations.
everything.

i can close my eyes and they all come to me.
i don't even have to close my eyes and they'll come to me.
i loved being with you.
i loved your sweaty hands.
i loved how you'd take pictures of me when i wasn't looking.
i loved the way your nose wrinkles when your about to sneeze.
i loved how you actually put thought into my christmas present.
i loved how you'd carry my letters to you in your wallet.
i loved when it was time for you to go & you'd say "hide me".
i loved when you'd make that face

(the face that says hide me under your bed i dont wana go home).
i loved when i would cry you would hold me & wouldn't say anything.
i loved the way you stared at me.
i loved doing crazy stuff with you.
i loved beating you up.
i loved when you beat me up.
i loved waking up to a good morning text every day.
i loved when you were just my best friend.
i loved when i wouldn't hug you once, and you told me to never do that again.
i loved when just after you left it hadn't even been 1min and you already textd me that you missed me.
i loved when you called me "yours".
i loved how you tutored me and knew i was staring at you but you found ways to get my attention.
i loved when you take me home.
i loved watching you eat.
i loved how you'd sneak brownies in my locker.
i loved singing rock songs with you.
i loved our first kiss and how it took you two hours to finally do it.
i loved how you told me how beautiful i was.
i loved when you kissed me in the rain.
i loved the first i got mad at you & you made me a big sorry note & waited for 2hours outside my house.
i loved the way we'd both smile right of a kiss.
i loved how you came to my house and took care of me when I got sick.
i loved when you use to call me and i would find excuses to get off the phone with you.
(i would never want to do that now.)
i loved your onfireness for God.
i loved when we write really sweet cheesy love notes like 5 times a day.
i loved giving you big hugs.
i loved when i kissed chokolate cake off your face.
i loved when id walk on aline pretending i was on a tight rope & id say "what if i fall" your answer was always "I'll always be here to catch you"
(oh how i wish what you were still here)
i loved how you look when you had a runny nose.
(you were so CUTE! red nose & all)
i loved when you gimme your jacket when i was cold.
i loved how you loved yeba.
i loved how your voice sounded.
i loved how you would look me straight in the eyes and tell me how much you loved me.
i loved how i forced you to watch high school musical with me bcoz of my little brother.
i loved how when my nose was frozen every time we watch a movie at the mall you'd give me eskimo kisses.
i loved the moments i'i turned around and you were right behind me.
i loved how you dressed..
i loved talking to you in between our classes.
i loved bullying each other.
i loved the pictures you used to draw me.
i loved how you were so smart how you would analyze the world around you.
i loved how you'd pick me up when i'd did something clumsy.
i loved how you got along with my family so well.
i loved how you would write me poems or say something poetic & make me melt.
i loved how you would walk me across the street.
i loved how you talked about God and inspired me.
i loved how you understood me when i said nothing at all.
i loved how you'd press your cheeks against mine for no reason at all.
i loved how you'd hold me really tight and whisper to me you didnt want to go home.
i loved how you'd care about other people's feelings.
i loved how over protective you were.
i loved how you'd come to my house everyday.
i loved how you'd get mad at me and then say sorry even if it wasnt your fault coz you know i have problems with pride.
i loved how you'd tell me your secrets.
i loved how you trusted me.
i loved how you'd act crazy with your friends.
i loved how you would aply scientific terms to everyday stuff which sometimes got on my nerves. haha
i loved everything about you.
and not a day has gone by where i haven't thought of you.
or wanted you.
and i know it was my fault that your gone but i just cant seem to get over it,
and i was finally starting to get better completely without you in my life.
you should've just let me know you didn't feel the same way.
it would've been a lot easier.
no sorry thats not true im glad you told me the truth.
the thing is even when you said you didn't love me anymore it felt that
that very moment i began to love you even more.
and i miss you so much.
and i don't just miss you because you're gone now.
i just miss you.
knowing that we're not anything.
and the fact that we see each other & dont talk
it gives me that stupid feeling in my heart/stomach.
its like what happened between us never happened.
its like you completely forgot everything.
you'll never realize how special you were to me.
if i could go back, i would.
oh this dilemma.
i am feeling the never ending swell of memories heave and sigh around me.
Threatening to drown me in sentiments and hysteria, I remember.
Remember what?
I remember everything, you forgot so easily.
I'm just this distressed princess waiting for you to come home.

I’LL BE.. I realized what a bittersweet song it really is.

I’LL BE..

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I’ll be captivated,
I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
I’ll Be your cryin’ shoulder
I’ll Be love suicide
I’ll Be better when I’m older
I’ll Be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You’re my survival,
you’re my living proof
My love is alive and not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I’ll be captivated,
I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
I’ll Be your cryin’ shoulder
I’ll Be love suicide
I’ll Be better when I’m older
I’ll Be the greatest fan of your life

I’ve dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the things you said

I’ll Be your cryin’ shoulder
I’ll Be love suicide
I’ll Be better when I’m older
I’ll Be the greatest fan of your life



um, does anyone realize that this is NOT a happy song? It starts out perfectly lovely - he’s saying how mesmerizing she is - but then he starts in about gallows and whatnot. I mean, I guess it’s sort of happy in the sense that he’s like “I can do this when I’m older.” The way I see it, he’s coming out of a pretty big depression (”fought my way back from the dead”), and part of it is due to her constant support (”remembering the things that you said”). He’s not ready for a co-dependent relationship yet, though. These things take time, folks. He wants to love her right now as she should be loved, knows that right now he can’t give her everything she needs and deserves.

I mean this song is totally about needing to love that person the way they should be loved but knowing you cant untill you get older. “I’ll be better when im older”. He is saying that he could soo easily be in love but it just isnt happening the way it should. Ive always loved this song but when i heard it on the radio the other day the meaning of it just clicked in my head. I had a guy that was just like this before. and I still love him but it just cant be…


The way I interpreted the chorus is he’ll be her crying shoulder in more of a friendly way since they can’t be together, and because of this he’ll kill off that feeling of wanting to be with her just so that he can be her crying shoulder (love’s suicide). When he’s older he knows he’ll be better; could mean his depression will get better, or that his heartache resulting from love’s suicide won’t be as bad. Since they couldn’t be together, he’ll be the greatest fan of her life, which unfortunately will not involve him. Fans watch someone from a distance, as he will do.
In the third verse, they’re in bed together and he explains that the rain is falling angry on his roof, almost as if the rain is mad that they can’t be together. On the other hand, he knows that without her he would be dead. He knows that he can love again and that his love is not dead.
In the bridge of the song, he admits that he’s been on the verge of death (dropped out, burned up), but he fought his way back from the dead. He then again reveals that she is the reason he is alive, because he tuned in to life, he was turned on again because of all the encouragement that she gave him.


After reading the bridge, you read the chorus again and it is clear again that since they can’t be together he’ll be love’s suicide to just be her crying shoulder. And ends the song by repeating that he’ll be the greatest fan of her life, because he is thankful that she was able to give him life, even if he is JUST a fan of hers..


I finally understand this song. Kinda does match.

What's meant to be will always find a way.

So maybe he wants her,

and maybe he doesn't,

but she'll never know if she never tries,

so she's going out on a limb.

She's praying for the best,

but prepared for the worst,

this is one blow her heart can take.

To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t about winning or losing. It’s not about pride and it’s not about how you appear, and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free. I let him go and be free. I will allow God's will to move in our lives.

Letting go is having courage to let go and accept the fact if that person comes back or not

What's meant to be will always find a way.

But, dear please be remember I'm praying for you.

I love you so much

where ever your happy so am I

I love you Timothy

goodmornyt.

....

rawr. So get this just got home and what a dumb thing. Sure its a movie and everything but WTH i have to dye my hair blonde & buy contactlens? WTH? Then i wouldnt be mem anymore right? and the payment is 1,200? and i have to wear my own FORMAL clothes.. duh like i have any. DE NA.. none. Also, i have to bring my own props? and he doesnt know where the shooting is? wth is that? urgh just a waste of time. In God's time..

Hay.

I'll blog later

I am so not in the mood.

rawr

gr

miss you timothy :P

sparkles shimmer

okay so its afternoon already. Everyone is getting dressed coz i am going to meet my talent scout he's from Star cinema. HE wants to put me as a paextra sa isang movie. i hope makakpasok ako kasi we need the money pang bayd ko sana sa dorm.. para hnde mhrpan c mama.. :D

last night.. i dreamt about Tim and zeph..
nagnuod daw kmi ng movie tpos ng cine and we went to the beach..
:D

I'll be back later aaudtion na ako ee.. waaaa
prayers!!


TTFN

how about a little sunshine?

What a day a rather quiet an oddball day to be exact. Well, I had Mcdo with kuya jhepoy today which was of course fun. But, when i came home. I had like i have no clue what to call it. It was like i was totally drained. I mean it. urgh. Also today, i didnt get to talk with Tim. Boohuu so sad. LOL.. nako but thats not really that important.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder... Or forgetful .-Peter Pan

(**OH yeah did I tell you that the peter pan thing reminds me of Stephen**)

Speaking of Stephen I wonder how he is. The last time we talked he asked why I loved Tim. Why Tim and not him. Why he was doing evrything when Tim does nothing and yet Tim has my heart. BTW did I tell you he gave me ring? yeah a ring. Also a teddybear. sigh. too much i know right? its sweet but, its too much. So i told him. And then he tolded me a bed time story of Peter Pan and that was the last time. I hope he's okay. Anyways, college is coming up I'm sure he'll forget me.

Wana know a secret?

Secret #1:

I hate how he can make me fall for him,even if i haven't talked to him in forever.

No matter where you are,

no matter where your life may take you,

& no matter who you're with, you'll always have a piece of my heart.

It's late I should sleep.

but the thing is..

i can't even if i wanted to.

When i close my eyes all i see is YOU

YOU & your braced face smile

OH WHAT THE HECK.

HE WONT READ THIS ANYWAYS LOL

I MISS YOU TIMOTHY SO

grrr... rawr!
shimmer.. sparkles!

missing you loser!

goodmornyt is 2:38am

and all I think about is Chim

blah.blah.blah.blah.

ranting space yet again

And I dont understand by the way you look at me,

why we can't be together

LORD my faith is in You.

Faith is trusting without knowing what will happen next

My definition of FAITH

Sometimes,

you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life

This is so true.

anyways.

I'm gonna try to sleep

maybe if I'm lucky.

I'll dream of him again. :)

sweet dreams..

tata for now.

toodles :)

it's hard to explain the way i feel for you,i can't find the words

& accidentally,

in a heart beat,

in a single flashing,

a throbbing moment,

i fell inlove with Tim

and things were never the same

after that moment in TIMe

A part of him has grown in me

Cause like you said, this is it.

This is life.

And I'm in love with you.

I think that's the only thing

I've ever really been sure of my entire life.

I'll stop loving you when diamonds never sparkle,

and flowers cease to grow,

when thunder doesnt echo,

and rivers do not flow,

when heart no longer wonder,

and hands are never held,

when smiles are only memories,

and hope is never felt,

when trees no longer blossom,

and the stars refuse to shine,

when autumn has no falling leaves,

and winter no longer dies,

when time has no more tomorrows,

and rainbows have no hue,

then I'll stop loving you.

There are some people who meet that somebody

that they can never stop loving,

no matter how hard they try.

I wouldn't expect you to understand that or even believe it,

but trust me,

there are some loves that don't go away.

And maybe that makes them crazy,

but we all should be lucky enough to end up with somebody who has a little of that insanity, someone who never lets go,

someone who cherishes you forever.

And i will cherish you forever

throughout life,

you will meet one person who is unlike any other.

this person is the one person you could talk to forever.

they understand you in a way that no one else does or ever could.

this person is your soul mate and your best friend.

don't ever let him go.

i wish i never had.

But if what we had was real

He will come back

He said he'd come back

True love waits

I'LL BE waiting

I promise

When I sleep,

I dream of you

When I wake,

I long to hold you in my armsIf anything our time apart has only made me more certain

That I want to spend my nights by your side

And I want to spend my days with your heart.

--Nicholas Sparks

I feel the same way

But of course

I love my GOD more than him any day

I need GOD i dont need Tim

'but i do love him

BUT, i must wait upon the Lord.

His will is better

than my own

but i know that if i delight myself in Him

He will give me the desires of my heart.

which we all know is Tim..

i love you, you retard :)

you still have me more than ever

your always in my prayers

your always in my heart

ill wait for 4 more years

if you dont love me by then

thats when ill move on

but until then

i am here :)

patiently

waiting

for

my

axawa

my

MOCHI

my once upon a time

RAINBOW

my purple

MONSTER

my

TIMOTHY VIDAL SO

i.love.you.so.